Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?
How many times has your inner mean girl stepped in the way and sabotaged a great relationship, a fantastic idea or an inspiring dream?
Self-doubt, your inner mean girl, your shadow, that negative voice inside your head, your inner critic – whatever you want to call it – they all creep up on us and cause us to push that self-destruct button that prevents us from living the life we truly desire.
For years, I let my inner mean girl run the show and pull me down at every opportunity. Right before a presentation at school she would say ‘Don’t be silly, you’re not good at this and everyone will laugh at you!’. Before my dance exam she would say ‘How could you ever believe you were actually a great dancer?’. When Ben and I first started dating she would pop up and say ‘As if this man would ever love you!’. Even as I continue building my business, she still creeps up every now and again to share her negative, hurtful thoughts. The sad thing is, I’m not the only one that has to live with this shadow lurking over me – so many beautiful women also are tormented by their inner bully and it down right sucks! How many times have you wanted to do something but were paralysed by fear? How many times did something amazing happen but you were plagued with doubt?
When your best friend comes up to you full of self-doubt, do you fuel that by confirming all of her worst fears to her face or do you empower her to follow her dreams? When a family member approaches you with a dilemma, do you tell them it’s pointless and silly or do you give them a safe space to open and share their problems? When your lover starts criticising all of his/her perceived flaws, do you agree with them or encourage them to see the beauty they possess?
My guess is that you support every person in your life. How do I know this? Because you’re reading this right now, wanting to be a better version of yourself and raise your vibration in this energetic universe. Am I right? If that’s the case, then of course you’re going to want to raise that vibration of everyone else in your life and therefore support, guide and empower them through anything!
Have you ever taken a moment to consider that by dimming down you’re light, you’re actually bullying yourself?
Whoah – A lot to consider there, right? I hear you – ‘But I’m not a bully, I’m kind to everyone, why on earth would I bully myself?’. Think about it (and I mean really think about it), if you spoke to your friends and family the way your inner critic talks to you, would they say you were cheering them on or putting them down and squashing all their hopes, dreams and desires? Your inner mean girl is sneaky. She pops up when you least expect her and sometimes hangs around for longer than you’d like.
How we treat ourselves is a direct reflection on how we treat others. If we are silently bullying ourselves then there is no way we’ll be able to show up for those we love in the best way possible. There will always be something holding us back from truly expressing ourselves. You’re not only doing yourself a disservice by giving in to that mean voice, but you’re also doing a disservice to those that are closest to you. You deserve to show up for yourself as the best version of yourself day in day out and those you love deserve to experience all the love you have to share with the world as well. Isn’t it sad to think that by letting your inner mean girl run the show, you’re actually dimming your light that you could be sharing with the universe.
When you start to believe you’re worthy of everything you dream for yourself, the universe will shift it’s energy towards you and start to shower you with all your hopes and dreams. But (and it’s a big BUT), it starts with YOU and how you talk to yourself. It starts with you acknowledging your inner critic, understanding what feelings are coming up, working through them and then putting them to bed so you can lift your own vibration and move forward.
There’s always room for improvement. As in any relationship, there’s always room for growth and working on the relationship you have with yourself is the starting point for any sort of healing and that includes healing that inner mean girl so she no longer runs the show. When self-doubt appears, it doesn’t come out of no where. Usually, something has happened in our lives that creates a new belief system in which we run our lives by. Maybe somewhere along the line you lost your job, so the next time your dream job becomes available you convince yourself you’re not worthy. Perhaps your ex cheated on you and now you don’t feel worthy of love. Maybe you’re whole life you felt you were destined for more but others put you down externally and now your inner critic has joined forces and is pulling you down internally.
It all stems from somewhere and confronting those feelings and experiences head on will allow you to work through them and change your story. That’s all they are – stories. Stories that you believe in. All you need to do is change the narrative and understand that you are the creator of your dreams. You can make your dreams happen for you whether it’s better health, abundant wealth, improved relationships or more freedom. You’re past doesn’t dictate how the rest of your life will play out – that’s just another story your inner mean girl wants you to believe. If you want something, then you can make it happen. You can start taking those small steps in the here and now to take you closer to where you want to be. It all starts with you believing that you can and knowing that you’re worthy.
It’s shocking to think that you wouldn’t even talk to your pets the way that you talk to yourself sometimes. I know personally, there’s no way that I would ever tell Connie (by beautiful Scottish Terrier) that she’s fat or ugly. I wouldn’t tell my friends that their dreams are stupid or unrealistic. I would never tell my mum or sisters that they’re undeserving or alone. And I would never tell Ben, my one and only, that he’s not worth anything. Yet, for years I said all of those things to myself.
Switch those words with words of kindness and love. From today, as soon as you wake up, look in the mirror and say:
You are not your past.
You are no longer going to be held back by those negative thoughts you once believed.
Every day change those stories your mean girl is telling you.
Every morning show up as the best version of yourself possible so that you can share your love with yourself and those around you.
You are unique, special and magnificent and the world deserves to see what you have to offer it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise – especially that voice inside you.
Be your number one cheerleader and stop bullying yourself. Go on – take on the world and thrive!