is the only one we are going to get, that’s why so many of us try and change who we are to fit a certain stereotype, or change our personality to fit in with the ‘norm’. But if we are so aware that this is our only ride through life, then why are we so unkind to ourselves?
Now, I’m not talking about abusing our body’s in a physical way, as most of us know the rules of eating healthy and how much exercise is good for us – to be honest that’s a totally different topic all together! What I want to specifically talk about, are the words of hurt, of anger, of frustration, guilt and shame that we say and drown ourselves with on a daily basis. The emotional abuse that we allow ourselves to feel and live in.
There have been studies and research to show that as humans, potentially it’s almost a natural instinct to look for the negative. From a young age, we teach ourselves how to go through life from all the bad that occurs – it’s a sort of protective mechanism.
For example: Fire burns us and is hot, therefore we learn to stay away from it.
Makes sense right? But without realising it, so many of us are so harsh on ourselves and hold onto that negativity and anger inside of us.
When something goes wrong, or doesn't go to plan in our lives, for most of us, the person who takes on that blame is ourselves! Now that’s not fair is it? Especially when the majority of the time it’s probably something totally out of our control. The problem is that we take everything so personally, we feel we must take on all the guilt and blame for that situation, no matter what it might be.
If you take things personally, you’re basically telling yourself that the world revolves around you:
‘This happened because of me.’
‘This didn’t happen the way I hoped because of me.’
Outside influences aren’t caused by you - they are OUTSIDE of your control. So to start being kinder to yourself – stop taking things so personally. It’s harsh, but true when you think about it.
When we want to feel good, we can’t rely on others to say a kind thing, we have to think it ourselves. We can’t wait for praise from others, we have to learn to give it to ourselves when it’s due. We are the creators of our feelings, but we abuse that power so much! It’s so easy to get into a frame of mind where you only dish out the negative towards yourself – that’s where we abuse the power of creating our own feelings.
Stop beating yourself up over not doing something, or not achieving something, or giving up something. Stop telling yourself you ‘failed’ or that you’re ‘fat’ or ‘ugly’.
Stop letting your mind be cruel to your body!
You wouldn’t talk to your best friend, or your mother, or sister that way would you?
Of course you wouldn’t, so why do you talk to yourself that way?
At the end of the day you are the first person that should be giving yourself credit, because if you don’t share it with your mind then who else are you going to rely on to do it? Don’t rely on others to tell you kind words because it should be YOU that dishes them out first.
When something doesn’t go to plan, don’t blame yourself, don’t blame anyone! Again, you wouldn’t do that if your best friend was hurting - you would only speak kind words, positive words to make them feel good. So do the same for yourself.
Think about it:
The answer is most likely
I believe we all have ‘self-destruct’ buttons within us, that every now and again we like to push. Whether it be because we haven’t thrown a pity party in a while, or because it’s a coping mechanism or just because we are feeling low, it doesn’t matter - we shouldn’t be doing it, full stop. We are so kind to those that we love and cherish and we need to learn to equally be kind to ourselves - or even more!
Those silent words we tell ourselves each day are so meaningful; it’s our internal dialogue, which means it has the complete power to make us feel fantastic or just down right crap.
So make a promise to yourself right now:
“From now on I’ll shower myself with all the praise, positivity and kindness that I deserve.”
Next time you start start taking things personally, or drowning in guilt and negativity, ask yourself this:
‘What would I tell my best friend in this situation?’.
So allow kindness to flow from it. Be your own best friend, love your ride, allow room for growth and ups and downs, but most importantly